Monday; November 19

          Which is more important in a conversation – facts or feelings?  I would imagine that each of us would have our own opinion about this, but let me throw out an alternative answer of “it depends”.  It depends where I am in the discussion.  If we are discussing something that doesn’t really cause me much pain or angst, facts are probably more important, but when the focus is on something that creates a major emotional response inside me, then feelings take precedence.  It might be something as insignificant as to where my favorite college football team is ranked or something as complex as social issues, but there are typically two thoughts on the matter – one based on empirical evidence, the other rooted in emotions.
          If we really stopped to think about it, most of us would naturally come to this conclusion, but the reason I bring it up is that too often we don’t honor this conflict in our discussions.  When husbands and wives argue – how often is it escalated by the fact that one is speaking from the heart and the other is speaking from the head?  When we find ourselves at odds over community problems, could the problem be that one side is attempting to discuss it from deep-seated feelings while the other bases their argument on the cold, hard facts?   The reality of the matter is that neither fact nor feeling is inherently right or wrong – we just need to realize the foundation of the other’s point of view.  Are they trying to prove a point using logic and reason, or are they basing their argument on how they feel and the impact it is having on them emotionally?
          When our discussions seem to be intensifying let’s stop, take a deep breath and come to an understanding of the other person’s point of view.  Are they speaking from fact or feeling?  It may not solve all of our issues, but at least it might help us continue a meaningful dialogue.
          Think About It!

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