Monday; June 10

Have you ever done something that offended someone?  Have you either done something (or not done something) that let someone down?  If we were all true to ourselves, the answer to both of those questions is “yes”.  Because we are people we are going make mistakes and because we are people we are going to find ourselves either missing cues or just not doing what was expected of us in the complex emotional exchanges we have with each other.  Now that we have established the fact that we are going to disappoint others, that leads us to the real question, “What are we going to do when we mess up?”.  When I let someone down my first response is to feel bad about it.  I am a “people pleaser” by nature, so when I don’t measure up to the expectations, I take it personally.  Yet, is it enough to just feel bad?  Do we gain anything by merely lamenting our failures? 
When we don’t get our interpersonal relationships right, there are a few constructive things we can do:
1.  Apologize.  The first step in restoring damaged relationships is to say I am sorry.  (However, we must make sure we don’t offer a veiled apology excusing our inaction or trying to cast blame on others.)  The simple statement, “I am sorry I didn’t live up to your expectations” is the correct foundation upon which we can rebuild the relationship.
2.  Make amends.  If the offense created a hardship on the other person, the second step is to correct what caused the issue.  There are times we won’t be able to “do” anything to make someone whole, but if we can, we have a responsibility to try.
3.  Learn.  Since we are fallible creatures, we are going to fail.  With this understanding, the goal isn’t perfection, it is development.  By learning from our mistakes we develop the wisdom of failing forward.  It is easy to beat ourselves up for messing up, but it is when we vow to not make the mistake a second time that we can actually grow into better, more mature people.
          Think About It!

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